Waiting to be Wanted

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I had been in this place for a long time, so long that I learned to be ok with not being happy. Complacent, if you will, with the undetermined length of time that I would be spending floating in a haze of unsurety.  Definitely, I was aware that greener pastures existed, I was even aware of my free will to leave, yet I was stuck.

I guess there were perks, but I’d fallen into a lazy routine of this is my life right now.  At times I overflowed with ideas, only nothing was really getting done, because stagnation in one area of your life can inevitably spread like a growing infestation of mold throughout other areas of your life.  Can mold even be an infestation?  Nevertheless, there I was complacently being lazy while growing stagnated mold. (yes, I know)

You see, I prayed for peace a few years ago, and God answered my call in a very big way.  He arranged peace in the middle of torrential downpours with lightning strikes and thunder roars that shook the earth.  I held on to that peace with dear life and in my surety of Him, I fell asleep.  I would crack my eyes open with the occasional wave of disturbance, but for the most part I sailed on uncontrollable winds in peace.

But how many of you know, there is still work to do during the thunderstorm.  God gives us peace, joy, and the strength to withstand whatever comes our way, not so we can sleep, but so that we can continue on fulfilling His point and purpose.

Which brings me to my point……. I am awake now.

The waves of disturbance were alarms, nudges, and the sign that it was time to get up and DO SOMETHING!  The last wave had a voice, and I  awakened with a vision that promoted a hope to abandon ship! Finding that this rocky ship stranded out in stormy waters is nearing land, I can smell the freshness of the flowers from the shore. And of course the grass IS greener because there IS NO grass on rocky ships that are stranded in stormy waters!! There is another ship that’s outside the realm of the storm and its closer to land, but it’s kind of stretch to try to reach.

Knowing that it’s time to take a leap of faith can cause enough anxiety to cause the physical ramifications of a huge zit to grow on the side of your face!  Excitement, anxiety, being unsure and the slippery slope of fear that can sometimes creep in is enough stress to cause the zit to explode, leaving pain and a scar from doubt!  But you have to take the leap, so you say a prayer, step into faith, and then you jump!

Then comes the wait………Waiting to be wanted. Will the captain of this ship accept me onboard? It’s like being in a room full of clocks that causes every passing second to sound off, echoing the fact that you still don’t know the outcome of your decision.  Being awake and aware, seeing the vision, finding the hope to step out on faith requires patience and peace that promotes extended faith.  It’s not enough to step out on faith so that you can jump, your faith must remain throughout the journey.  The leap is just the beginning. You must define your faith, what is it that you are believing?  With seeing the outcome, the path is not always clear but your faith will guide you. God’s light will illuminate your steps, if your faith allows you to believe.

So, I jumped.  While gliding, I see myself landing on the ship that’s on its way to a promised land.  But if I slip and land in the waters or the captain refuses my presence onboard his vessel, I know God’s grace will lead me to the shore.  I do not have to wait to be wanted, His promises reign true and I belong to Him.

My inspiration:  “Oceans” lyrics by Hillsong United

“Oceans”

You call me out upon the waters

The great unknown where feet may fail

And there I find You in the mystery

In oceans deep

My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name

And keep my eyes above the waves

When oceans rise

My soul will rest in Your embrace

For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters

Your sovereign hand

Will be my guide

Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me

You’ve never failed and You won’t start now

So I will call upon Your name

And keep my eyes above the waves

When oceans rise

My soul will rest in Your embrace

For I am Yours and You are mine

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters

Wherever You would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my faith will be made stronger

In the presence of my Savior

Oh, Jesus, you’re my God!

I will call upon Your name

Keep my eyes above the waves

My soul will rest in Your embrace

I am Yours and You are mine

supermen do not wear capes…

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I just had to share this post because it offers insight on the profoundness of such a simple moment! How much joy have we, crazy adults, missed out on by missing these simple moments that overflow in love and joy. And we dare to forget that moments make memories that will linger a lifetime, offering smiles when remembered during rainy days. Please enjoy….

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DSC_0539DSC_0529DSC_0537DSC_0544DSC_0560DSC_0561DSC_0571 (1)DSC_0582DSC_0495DSC_0507…they carried, instead, colorful ropes & one old chainsaw. I’ve said & written this before, but i’m just going to keep repeating myself…in hope that it may change, at least one person’s view of their world.

It is said that we are to live in the present. live in the moment. it is hard for adults to do this. children live this way. which is why your child looks at you, as though your crazy, when you’ve said, “WE are Late, Hurry Up & Put Your Shoes on NOW!” child are unaware of the future. children live by no clock…they are ruled only by their hunger & tiredness. child see no color in anyone they meet. children do not see the poor, the rich…they meet & they play. it is only when we’ve grown up that the world is ruled by the clock. and we just others around us…

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Six Months Later…..

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Six months later,images (46) and it seems just like yesterday that we stood hand in hand, gazing into each other’s eyes.  Protected in love’s warmth on a cold Tuesday evening, we stood listening as words of wisdom were imparted on our unity, committing vows under a covenant with God.  A dimly lit room, loved ones were few (but of the most importance), and jazzy attire instead of wedding day glamour.  Yet the worries of having the wedding of my dreams were lost in the truth of having the man of my dreams.  That night was filled with purpose, a moment of “what is meant to be, will be.”

It had been a long time coming, a rocky road of break up to make up moments that almost ended in a permanent vacation, but greater was destined to be.  We had been together for so long, even a 3 year shack up experience, that I really didn’t think being married would change the love and sentimental mushiness that I felt for him, but it did.  Marriage opened up a whole other level of completeness, safety, and security, and especially the comfort of knowing that we were now in God’s will.

There have been a couple of rollercoaster pitfalls, but they create an “in it to win it” attitude that ultimately lead back to the top of the world and levels out.  They shed light on the devastation of selfishness and expounds on the dire importance of understanding true love is the ability to love someone as you love yourself.  The ability to know that there will be mistakes, inconsiderate words are spoken, feathers will be ruffled, egos will be hurt, disagreements become arguments but love and forgiveness conquers all.  I’m confident in knowing that I married someone who would never intentionally hurt me and ultimately wants what’s best for me, and I completely reciprocate that notion.  So being mindful of pity parties and pettiness will make it easier to allow yourself to promote a forgive and forget attitude.  After all we’ve become a team, a dynamic duo, the starting lineup working for the common good of the life we are building for ourselves.abd01420b90f80c70c9fc3c6c57cd3d5

Then there is the whole spiritual aspect of marriage, which is the making of a new post (stay tuned).  For now I just want to express my heartfelt gratefulness and my absolute love for my husband.  Six months down and a lifetime around “the one whom my soul loves”- Song of Solomon

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Allergic to “E” Challenge

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So reading a challenge that someone else wrote, I inadvertently signed myself up for the “Allergic to “E” Challenge.  Here’s my post:

Knowing winds with a still flow of calm, allows light to in dark spots.  Soft aromas during rough discussions causing caring situations.  Abound in your spirituality, finding joy from within.  Focus on truth, as it fails to allow an illusion to have you in confusion.  Understand your worth, transform your thoughts, and allow your mind to have light.  Grow kind crops in your soul, planting all things good and obtain faith.  Worship God in spirit and in truth, and know that it is Him who is always faithful!

Here are the rules:

1) Write a whole paragraph ( a paragraph sounds easy right?) without any word containing the letter “e” (still easy?)

2) By reading this you are already signed up.

3) Challenge at least five bloggers to do the challenge. They must do it within 24 hours or it is considered as failure.

4) If you fail or pass, suffer in the Page of Lame.

5) If you win, wallow in the Page of Fame.

Here are my nominees!

1.  https://fsmithwrites.wordpress.com/

2.  http://donewithreligion.com/

3.  https://thecoastalquill.wordpress.com/

4. https://tuneinnanaaj.wordpress.com/

5.  https://thegrizzlegrist.wordpress.com/

Extra and Ordinary

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An ordinary day with a few extra surprises, adding sunset horizons dripping into Georgia red clay.  Known for the hotness of heat it was hard to compete with the Son, nevertheless she wanted to be the best.  She wanted to fit the profile, bohemian style, light, airy, fancy and free, the extraordinary type, as deep as the sea.  An ordinary marble hindered her desire, loosening the grip on created reality.  Where it could be found, there were too many cracks in the ground, leaving her to feel it was a waste of time.  Time’s not wasted on the path of transformation as long as you’re moving forward.  An extra unction in her soul, forgotten memories allows a bitterness hold, but forgiveness is given to create a new mold.  She doesn’t have to be the same or even considered sane, just an ordinary girl willing to her surrender world to God.

Divine Encounters

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Overwhelming Love

Have you ever felt an emotional wave so strong that it dropped you to your knees?  Imagine that feeling that swells up from inside of you causing an out pouring of snot and tears.  A feeling so strong that the energy of this emotion expels from your very being, manifested as comforting chills that send sensations against your skin.  The presence of peace is penetrating, compelling your Spirit to bow in reverence.  It’s a feeling so enormous in strength that an experience is created.  An unforgettable experience imprinted into your very soul.

An experience of unconditional love that is physically felt.  From the bottom of the belly, gentle waters began to rush and swirl causing small sprouts of inspiration.  I felt removed from the place where I began, as if I was surrounded by natural light.  It was Pentecost Sunday and I had been desiring an encounter.  Being spiritually baptized within Holy Spirit was a physical as being dunked into the water.  Surrendering me, receiving Him, releasing a foreign tongue, I remember feeling my tongue moving effortlessly, hitting the roof of my mouth as I released an unknown, yet familiar, sound.

I was baptized in the water and within Holy Spirit at a very young age.  I remember waiting to hear the words of a sacred language in mind so that I could speak them out loud, but they were never revealed to me.  Throughout the years, after rededicating my life to live through faith, I often wondered if and when this gift would be given.  I had faith, I believed, yet my foreign tongue was silent.

Now, here I stood at the alter on Pentecost Sunday desiring to be baptized within Holy Spirit, once again, some 20 years later.  And though, I did not hear the words of a sacred language in mind, I felt Holy Spirit release them from within me.  The baptism occurred without any effort or conscious decision of mine, except for yielding to Holy Spirit.  Affirmation of God’s unconditional love blanketed me like the heaviness of a feathered goose down comforter.  As I returned to my seat, I felt soaked from the inside out.

That was the most powerful spiritual exposure I had ever encountered, until the fire tunnel.  Our church service continued as my pastor explained divine instructions he’d been given.  I cannot provide you with the instructions in detail that he explained, as I was still relishing in my baptism experience, however I can give you the setup of the fire tunnel.  The tunnel was created by having 3 sets of 2 prayer intercessors, one standing on each side of you.  There were columns at the end of the tunnel that created a curve which represented the turning point in your life.  As you walked through, each set of intercessors would pray for you.  The congregation filed into a single line to walk through the fire tunnel.  As I stood in line, waiting my turn, I continued to experience the warmth and love and thankfulness of the moment.

Walking through the first set of prayer intercessors I began to feel the urgency of those rushing waters building up in my belly.  By the time I reached the second set there was an eruption, a complete flood out of the Spirit, bellowing from the inside out.  I held the hand of the intercessor that stood on the left side of me and immediately began to bow down in reverence…… I was worshipping at the feet of my Lord.  It was as if her hand was the only physical contact that I had with this realm, because I had been removed and placed at the feet of God.  In my mind I heard, “Holy, holy, holy,” but I know that’s not the sound that was coming from my mouth. I felt overcome with reverence for God.  Reverence in terms of admiration, adoration, worship, complete awe of His glory.  Time was irrelevant, as I’m not sure how long I remained there bowing and worshipping, but by the time I got to the last set of intercessors and the turning point of an appointed time of my life, I felt like I had just heaved the greatest worship I had ever given to God.  It was worshipping without thinking, worshipping with disregard for anything that was going on around me except for the presence of God, I worshipped Him with every part of my being.  What I released drained me and energized me simultaneously, and it was literally the most exhilarating encounter I have ever experienced.

I find the highest honor in being allowed to worship at the feet of my Savior, not that I am deserving in any way but by Grace.  I cherish every encounter I experience with God.  It’s truly amazing that in spite of all of my faults and imperfections, to serve a God that desires to wrap me in His love.  Being at Jesus’ feet is a time for learning (Luke 10:38-42), time for healing (Matt 15:30), a time for worship (Luke 7:38).  The scriptures make many references to sitting at Jesus’ feet, dominion over evil is at our feet, Jesus showing the importance of serving by washing Peter’s feet (John 13:8-14), and God making us like hinds’ feet so that we may sit in His high places (Psalms 18:33). What I’ve found is that we are to live a life of worship unto God in such a way that others will bow at His feet to worship.  Our life experiences, as believers, should be a testament of God’s glory to unbelievers!  We are to worship God in spirit and in truth.  Experience worshipping God with your love! Extravagant Worship!

I KNOW that there are many more divine encounters to experience in my life.  I pray that you all experience divine encounters with the Savior!

Love and Light to you,

Toi

Posterity for All

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For Posterity

Know that life has purpose and meaning

There’s grace

And spring time

There are northern lights

And twinkling stars that fill the night

There’s warm earth

that crumbles between your toes

An ocean that roars

And eagles that soar

There’s a presence that can be felt

Within the silence of a moment

And a love that conquers ALL things

For Posterity

There’s a mountaintop, I’ve reached without climbing

A valley’s depth I’ve touched without falling

A connection I’ve felt

With a land without my footstep

Physical borders and spiritual immortals

His grace is sufficient for me……

Free Liberation

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Green is the color of my revolution

As the sun heats my awareness

My stems cry out

Screaming out blooms of

Desires

Stretching for liberation

Reaching for freedom

Green is the color of my revolution

Rooted in the dirty nutrients of oneness

There is breath

Clear as the green ocean vibrating the blueness of the skies

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My leaves wilt

From the heavy burdens of despair

White is the color of my rage

That swells within my throat

Choking me

Drowning me

in an airless existance

that lasts longer than the seconds it takes to muffle the cries of a constant victim

The dumbness to surrend to the numbness while seeking shelter from the pain

Without awareness

there’s no solution to the polution

of the minds

of our hearts

the silencing of their souls is deafening

Green is the color of my revolution

Producing lfe cycles

growing, reaching, surviving,

Reproducing

Green Revolutions to cure the strange fruit…..

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